Yesterday I had all the kids (except Izzy) over for lunch. Ideally, I like to catch up with them in between trips, but it’s like herding cats now that they’re all adults with their own lives. Last week on the ‘Wednesday W’s’ post, I showed a photo of 4 generations of engagement rings, from my great-grandmother, grandmother, my mother and me. Yesterday Sophie was there with Tom 33, so we lined the rings up again and took another photo.
5 generations!
My great-grandmother’s ring is a crystal. It’s cracked, as I found out when I recently had it cleaned and the claws fixed. I left it as it was. She was very poor – she was a washerwoman, I believe.
The next generation was slightly better off. If you look closely, you can see that my grandmother’s ring has tiny diamond chips. Fancy.
Mum’s ring is next. It’s an actual diamond, though, “We had no money, so the ring is more setting than diamond!”
Mine is next. We used to call it “The Rock.” Personally, I wanted an emerald with two little diamonds either side (which was a ring I eventually bought for myself when I took the kids to Thailand, years after my divorce.) My fiancé was a first-gen immigrant from a desperately poor family. He was running a fruit shop. He wanted a statement ring. The Rock is certainly that.
Sophie’s ring is another diamond, but this time it’s a black diamond. She is an avid skier, and Tom33 bought a black diamond for her, as they are the most prized of the ski slopes.
In the photo above, Sophie’s ring has caught the sunlight. Here’s what it looks like normally:
What I find fascinating about these rings is that it shows the definite improvement in the fortunes of a VERY working class family. I was the first person to finish secondary school and get a uni degree in my Mum’s family. We were certainly not rubbing shoulders with the Vanderbilts and the Rothschilds! And yet, a luxury item like an engagement ring slowly became more and more valuable over time, to the extent that the last one in the line – Sophie’s – is now chosen not for actually having a diamond, but is now chosen for the TYPE of diamond.
Every time I hear that living conditions are sliding and that things have never been worse, I know that’s absolute bull5hit. Every student of history knows that life for the common person has never been better than it is today.
For example, who in their right mind would want to go back to live in medieval conditions? Nowadays, our standard of living is better than kings in that era. Every time we reach out and casually switch the heater or the aircon on, we’re winning. Putting the foot down on the accelerator, instead of riding on horseback or worse – being jolted around in a carriage with little suspension and dirt roads. Streaming practically any show we can think of, instead of waiting for a minstrel or travelling players to come and provide entertainment.
Try living in the squalor of life in the tenements in the Victorian era. All throughout history, imagine walking across the street with horseshit all over the roads, chimney sweeps as young as 4 being forced down chimneys, the Black Death killing between 30% and 60% of Europe… yikes. Obviously, the list goes on, but I have gardening to do and those garlic bulbs aren’t going to plant themselves.
This really hit home to me when I was in my early forties. I had been single for a decade or so and I was wondering if Mr Right was ever going to come along. (Strangely, men weren’t queueing up to be with a broke single mother of four boys. God knows why!) I was watering my front yard, having a quiet whinge to myself, when the thought suddenly occurred to me that I was an ungrateful idiot. I thought of the MILLIONS of women from the past who would have killed for the chance to live the life I had.
I was independent, with total control of my finances, where I lived, and how I chose to support my family. I was freely able to divorce my ex-husband AND keep custody of our kids. I wasn’t tied to someone else’s choices with money and life decisions. I was captain of our own boat.
I was educated and so I was able to support my family by teaching, instead of farm work, cleaning or lying on my back. My children were also being educated and they’d have opportunities far beyond what the ordinary women of the past could have dreamed of for their children.
We were vaccinated, could vote, and cook with the flick of a switch, instead of building up a fire every day. I was free to travel as widely as my time and finances could allow. (I had no idea what amount of crazy travel waited me though!) I had total freedom at home to do, say and be whatever I wanted.
Tell me when in the history of humankind have ordinary women ever had this much freedom and autonomy?
That very moment was when my life changed and I realised that I’m one of the luckiest people on the face of the earth. My life was immeasurably better than any generation of women before me.
The engagement rings are a tiny example of this. Over time, society is slowly getting better and better. Hell, in my travels in even the poorest of countries, every single vendor of every single tiny roadside shop selling fruit, veggies, and clothing all have a mobile phone. It’s universal… everyone scrolling through their mobiles while they wait for customers.
Are things perfect now?
Haha, of course not. There’s still so far we have to go in so many areas. Please don’t troll me in the comments by saying, “Oh yeah??? Well what about blah blah blah.” We’re living in 2025, not in Utopia. But looking back and comparing, things are not so bad.
Even a cursory look at history will show that slowly but surely, we’re crawling out of the mud to stand up and gaze at the stars. We’re the luckiest people to have ever lived. I’m not sure that we take the time to appreciate that enough.
Dad joke of the day:
